Lessons From the Insane
by Ciamil B
Summary: There are lessons that you learn when you are a beyblader living in close quarters with other beybladers. This is a fanfiction about those lessons, with the first lesson given to you by our lovable, kick-ass Kai. Yaoi. Humor. KaiRei in first chapter.


**Lessons From the Insane**

By: Ciamil B.

Pairings: Implied KaixRei

Lesson One

There are certain things that you just don't tease people about. Everyone in the 'beyblading circle' learned that teasing any of the Demolition Boys (or 'Smexy Boys' as most of the fangirls had started to call them) would result in immeasurable amounts of pain for the teaser. And death by sharp, pointy objects. The point was, there were many, many, dangerous people who were involved with beyblading. For example, there were the Demolition Boys, Brooklyn, the White Tigers most of the time, and a lot of other people who'd rip your eyes out if you teased them about certain things.

For Mystel, it was if you teased him about his small stature and the fact that he was always wearing clothes that made him look fat. Observe:

--

"Hahaha!! Mystel, you look fat --"

WHAM!

Tyson was knocked out cold on the floor, with an angered Egyptian standing over him looking like the devil himself.

"How you like me now, _bitch?_"

Ignoring the 'what the hell?' looks from his teammates, minus Brooklyn who was grinning in an insane way, that were walking with him before Tyson decided to stick his foot in his mouth, Mystel calmly stepped over Tyson and walked onward.

--

For Tala, it was if you said anything about his girlish figure and the fact that he looked like a rose when he wore green. Examine closely:

--

Tala walked down the hallways of the beyblade stadium. He was wearing green, in fact, he was wearing the only green piece of clothing he had. Why was it the only green piece of clothing he had? Because Ian had decided that it was time to pull another prank on Tala. Ian was having his 'quiet time' in the laundry machine at that moment.

"Pssstttt," Tala vaguely heard one of the other bladers, Rick, whispered to Michael, "look at Tala!"

Now, even though Rick hadn't directly said anything bad about Tala, Tala felt offended that he was being treated like an animal at a zoo. So in three seconds flat, both Rick and Michael were out cold, stripped, and taped to the outer wall of the beyblade stadium with only their underwear on.

Hell hath no fury like a Russian red-head scorned.

--

It was always funny when you saw people getting their heads bashed in because of their own stupidity. Very, very funny. In fact, most of the beybladers who weren't prone to sticking their foot in their mouths and getting beat up were now keeping a camera or a video camera around with them so that they could get blackmail material on their fellow idiotic beybladers.

Kenny was such a beyblader.

Of course, being the technologically savvy boy that he is, his 'Embarrassing Moment Capturing Device' was installed into his computer so it looked like he was working hard on something related to beyblading, when in reality, he was capturing embarrassing moments on his computer so that he could blackmail his fellow bladers.

So far, here were the videos that he had…

1) When Tyson insulted Mystel (Oh yeah, Kenny could _so_ be a ninja in the future with his stealth skills)

2) When Rick said something bad about Robert. (Kenny doubted that Rick would _ever_ find out about what happened to all his sport-related clothing. Nor would Rick ever truly understand the massive amount of loyal fangirls Robert had that were around _all the damn time_)

3) A video of Raul kicking King in the place 'where the sun don't shine'.

4) Mariah bitchslapping Lee who had finally said one too many: "Rei and Mariah should get married!" lines.

5) Rei pouring honey into an unsuspecting and napping Bryan's hair. Then Bryan waking up two seconds afterwards, noticing the honey, and tying Rei onto the highest branch of a tree with the Chinese blader's own hair.

6) Enrique getting bitchslapped by Mariah after asking her out one too many times after she rejected him again and again. (Kenny had about twenty more videos that had Mariah slapping someone)

7) Hitoshi flirting sort of with an unsuspecting Brooklyn. (Kenny now had material to possibly get Hitoshi in trouble for being a pedophile)

Kenny had many more, of course. They were just too troublesome for him to list them all out. The total number of his videos probably exceeded over a thousand already, considering the personalities of the people around him.

"Holy SHI-- I didn't mean that, Julia! Don't hurt me!!"

Kenny immediately turned, his 'Embarrassing Moment Capturing Device' ready to record.

"How dare you! You bastard! Die!!"

Raul was off to the side, trying not to look too happy that Romero was getting slapped, kicked, and scratched by his sister. It wasn't often that Julia yelled at other people other than himself, so he was happy that it was happening. Besides, Romero deserved it. Where did he get off on telling Julia that she 'looked fat when she wore red.' Even Raul knew that such a phrase and accusation was blasphemy to say to a girl, and when Raul said 'girl', he meant Julia. No other girl wore as much red as she did.

"Ah!! Spare me, Julia, spare me!" At this point, Romero began to run away when Julia started to reach for her beyblade and launcher.

"Run away, run away, run awa- OH SHIT, banana peel!"

Kenny nearly laughed out loud, but he didn't, as doing so would have caused everyone to stare at him funny and be on guard when he was around. They'd probably walk over to him and ask him what was so funny and attempt to peer over his (small) shoulder to see what he was looking at. Tyson would make a joke about porn, and Rei would smack him over the head for it. After that, Kai would glare at Tyson disapprovingly, Max would look uncomfortable, and those who were strangers to porn or anything related to sex would start to sort of avoid Tyson for a while.

Well, now he had a very entertaining video of Romero getting pwned by Julia.

Yeah, he totally had blackmail material now, yeah.

Oh God. He really needed to stop watching all those abridged Avatar episodes by Gan Xing Ba on youtube. They were starting to become a part of his everyday life…

He looked up again to see if the scene was over. It was.

He stood up, turned, and ran into someone. He looked up.

'_God, you sure like fucking with me, don't you?'_

For standing right before him, there was Brooklyn whose face was filled with an "I-may-be-an-evil-and-slightly-insane-genius-and-beyblade-prodigy, but-there-are-times-when-I-am-freaked-out-and-don't-really-know-what's-going-on. This-is-one-of-those-times" look.

"I am completely disgusted right now with what you have been doing," Brooklyn said, "and strangely intrigued…"

Kenny did not even have to waste a minute thinking about all the benefits of having someone like Brooklyn be his partner in his quest to acquire more embarrassing videos of the other beybladers.

He grinned.

"Come, young grasshopper," Kenny said sagely, ignoring the fact that he looked ridiculous as he was smaller than Brooklyn, "you have much to learn."

From across the room, Kai grimaced. It hadn't taken him too long to find out about Kenny's voyeuristic tendencies, after all, Kenny's computer was usually left alone if someone (Max) abducted Kenny to go and get ice cream, and Kai wasn't an idiot and knew how to use the computer. Now that Kenny and Brooklyn were going to work together to get blackmail material…

Kai groaned.

'_They're like a match made in hell. We're all going to die.' _

With that thought, he vowed to stay in his room for most of the time, not piss anyone off, and watch his step for the coming years.

Little did he know, Kenny already had more than enough blackmail material on him.

'_Really, Kai. If you didn't want anyone to know anything about you, you should have kept your window blinds closed when you're being with Rei in the same room. Muahahaha!!'_

(From a Post-It note on Kai's desk)

Lesson One to the Next of Our (My) Generation:

If you have sneaky and insane beybladers, it's best to be on your best behavior until you hop on a plane back to your mother (or possibly father) country. Also, watch out for quiet brunets, for they may be the most sneaky and insane of them all. On a lesser note, stay away from ketchup and mustard. Bad things happen when you're near them.

(End Post-It note)

'_Time to go and 'harrass' Rei again. Muahahaha!!'_

--

A/N:

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed, please review!

- Ciamil B.


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